Summer Lovin'

It's been just over three months since I've decided to be a full-time Mom and everyday hasnt been easy but it's still the best job ever.  It's sad to think in four weeks my oldest will be starting kindergarten 😲.  It feels like five years just flew right by but at the same time went incredibly slow, if that makes any sense.

I wanted to quit my job so early in the year so I could spend the whole summer with my oldest before she started school.  I wanted her to have a great summer full of day trips and adventures.  It turns out that's not what happened at all, lol.  Life happened and we just had so much going on we didn't get to go to the zoo, the science center, the water parks, etc nearly as much as I wanted to but she got to spend time with friends and family and it overall was a good time.

I still have a few weeks left before school so I'm going to try to get a few more of those places in but if not I'm not going to stress over it.  Well, at least I'll tell myself that 😉.

Hello My Friend, Hello.

It's late, though it always seems to be. I like to write but it seems the only time I have to myself these days is late at night. Or in this case, early in the morning.

Since we last spoke, way back in 2011, I've had 2 children. Two wonderful girls exactly 4 1/2 years apart to the day, and almost to the hour. I'm surprised really I didn't blog much then.  It took us 2 1/2 years to get pregnant the first time then almost 4 with the second, both girls were conceived with fertility treatments.  That whole process for me, the hormones, pills, shots, blood work, failed pregnancy tests, all of it was such a HUGE roller coaster ride for me and yet I didn't talk about it.  I talked to my husband of course, but he can only understand so much, regardless it wasn't his body that was broken, it was mine. A women's body is solely designed to create life and mine would not do it. Not without thousands of dollars of medical treatments. That's heart breaking.

You had one job Sadie, one job and you failed.

Lovely.

The only thing I've ever wanted my entire life was to be a Mom and my body said, fuck you, no.  So I paid gobs of money to make it happen despite my awful body saying no.  I had one okay pregnancy, it wasn't great but wasn't too bad. And one awful pregnancy.  ( You could probably guess which was which).  But these pregnancies, that we're by no means easy, gave me these two amazing little humans.  Little humans that I love more than life.  I couldn't possibly live without them.  Aftery second daughter was born I even gave up my career to pursue my passion in life, being a Mom.

I love every day, I have virtually no stress, and feel genuinely at peace with my life.  It's amazing how when you follow your dreams how your body and mind react to the happiness. I made the best decision ever to stay home, despite any of the downsides they don't come close to how happy I truly am.

So now here we are in present day Pepperville and life is great. Stay tuned for the many adventures of my life now as the Mom I always wanted to be.

Life is funny...

So if you go back to the very beginning of this blog you will see it was something once forgotten then, through the writings of a friend, was rediscovered and continued.  Well it seems we are in the same situation yet again. This poor little blog was forgotten about and, yet again, through the blog of a friend, was rediscovered and here we are.

So hello again, why don't you sit down and grab some vodka, you'll probably need it, and relax. It's gonna be a long night. 😉

Lyrically Inclined

There's very few things in this life I can completely and totally submerge myself in and identify with, music is one of them.  I almost forgot about this song and how much I adore it.  It seemed appropriate to post here after the theme of my last few posts. 

The anniversary of Adam's DOD is quickly approaching but this year I'm not feeling that overwhelming pain and anguish I've felt over the past few years.  Call me crazy be I totally think this tattoo of mine has changed my life and has healed my heart, even if just a little bit.  <3

Let It Begin With Me...

Tattoo is about 2 weeks old, thank God the itching is over....it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be but still annoying nonetheless.  It's funny, this time of year I usually get really sad and depressed since Adam's DOD is 6/10 but its different now.  I honestly didn't even realize the date was approaching until I actually looked at the calendar today.  When I did look and realized the date was approaching I wasn't sad or upset.  I finally found myself at peace.  Not saying I don't miss him and wish he were still here but some how those 23 stars on my foot make me feel so much closer to him, like my best friend is with me always, no matter what.  My heart is truly happy and at peace.  It's amazing what a little ink can do for the soul <3.

Finished Tattoo

I wanted to post a quick picture of my tattoo after it has been completed.  I love it more than words can say and the pain is so worth the ever lasting effect it has had on me already.  <3

Today is the Day

Today is a very important day in my life, I would argue it is almost as important as my Wedding day, almost.  Today is the day I get my first tattoo!  Why on earth would that be almost as important as my Wedding you ask?  Well my tattoo is very special, my tattoo is my way of paying homage to my BFF Adam who died almost 4 years ago, (I've written about him on here many times).  And before you ask, no its not a tattoo with his name in it or anything ridiculous like that.  It's a tattoo that has meaning to me and to the rest of you will just look like some cool artwork and designs.

This tattoo has been a long time coming and I've finally decided on the perfect design to make it exactly what I want.  I'm getting 23 stars and diamonds tattooed on the top of my right foot.  One Big star surrounded by the 22 other stars and diamonds in various sizes.  The reason for this is my BFF Adam and I are both huge, HUGE Beatles fans and the tattoo is a loose interpretation of Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds.  The part that really ties in Adam will be the 22 stars and diamonds.  There will be 3 different size Stars and 1 size diamonds.  The stars and diamonds will be of specific number, those numbers will represent Adam's birthday (3/6/76).  I wanted the numbers to represent his DOB and not his DOD because I want celebrate his life and not mourn his death.  His DOD is hard enough for me without dedicating a tattoo to it.

It's taken me almost 3 months and 2 different tattoo artists to get a tattoo appointment that has not been cancelled or changed.  Maybe it was Adam's way of telling me that other artist wasn't right for me, or it wasn't the right time.  I truly feel today is the perfect day to finally pay homage to my BFF who I miss more and more as the days pass and will forever be in my heart.

People ask, are you sure you want to live the rest of your life with that tattoo? And I respond, I can't believe I've lived this much of my life without it.